Guilt Pangs. Life and it’s Woes.

I messed up recently. 

 For one of my group projects, I needed another member.  Myself and my friend went to the lab session and greeted one of the students.  We asked if he took the same class as us and if he had a group yet. After getting the confirmation that “yes” he did and also “no” he didnt; he agreed to join our group.

The following day I collected his student number and signature onto the form required for group selection  proposals – I was to meet my friend in the group to get his details the next day.  He had work until a little after midday.  Everything which was going so seemingly smooth – went steeply downhill from there.

 That morning, I got to uni and found I had forgotten the form.   Submission was at 5pm sharp.  The travel time to go home and come back would be 4 hours alone (a one way trip home is two hours.. you do the maths to find the trip back).  I still had classes for the day which I could not afford to skip.

Immediately I phoned both of my partners.  There was no connection through to either.  I tried many times to call the new group member, as I knew I was going to meet up with my friend later that day anyways.  Despite this I could not contact him. 

 I resorted to forging in his signature; only to realise I didn’t remember his student number… The most vital of all details.  I messaged him  a couple times.  First to tell him the problem.  Second to tell him my solution.

I recieved a call from my friend after he found my miss-calls.  I enlighted him with my terrible problem and I was to communicate via internet after that.  The internet wasn’t working for some reason.  It was passed midday and still no response from the new member.  I waited anxiously.

I had to be home earlier that day.  If I did not form a group before I had to go, I would simply be grouped with strangers.  I’m not usually good with strangers, so I tried calling a few times more; without results.

Just as I was about to lose hope and give up, I ran into another friend of mine, who happend to be taking the same class, as well as one of his group members.  They were looking for a member to replace one of their own who had dropped the course.  I was looking for a group.  We parted ways without exchanging words…  Joking.

After hearing my dillema they offered to kindly take me in.  I was happy but my friend from my original group, now had no group.  He would simply fall into the random selection pool.  I felt bad.  It turns out that the two I had just run into, knew another pair who were also looking for another member… What luck.

My friend now had a group.  I had a group.  My original third member – not only did he not have a group anymore now - but he was completely oblivious to the fact.  I had yet again another reason to feel bad.

 Within my new group, the third member who I did not know previously was deciding between the group he was already in, or going with the two others who were looking for another.  If that were to be the case my friend would simply become the third person in my group. 

After a long hard time thinking, he decided to stay in my group.  The submissions were made.   The fact that I felt incredibly guilty did not change.

I spent the rest of the day like normal.  Apart from the fact that every now and then I would get this horrible feeling in my chest and feel terrible.  The weight of the guilt was harassing me to no end.  I was still to recieve response from the now isolated member of my old group.

From the fact that I never recieved a response for over three days, I took it that he was mad.  He left his classes earlier than me and my other friend who was originally with him, without saying a word.  I was sure he was mad. 

But there was still that uncertainty that he did not recieve my calls or my messages.  That made things all the more awkward.  I managed to avoid eye contact with him after the first day I realised he was mad.  I later found my friend was doing so also.

It all cleared itself up today.  The guy who had previously decided to join my group decided he wanted to change his mind.  My friend joined my group (I do feel a little bad for my friend who took me in, as he lost both of his original members and wasn’t yet aquainted with my other friend; who just joined.) and I was now grouped with two of my own friends.

Later today I recieved an email from my dear old group member saying he saw the final group selection notice.  From that he had “noticed” that all three of us had been split up.  He also said that he though it was a “mistake by the system”.  I realised then that he didn’t know.

 Hurriedly, I told my friend.  I wrote up an apologetic letter explaining what had happened and what I had attempted, trying to counter the problem, and how I had tried to contact him by mobile but failed to connect.

I awaited the expected flame-filled response, brimming with rejection, anger and hurt.  It never came. 

What I did recieve though, was a short, to-the-point response, informing me that; “Crap..” and that his mobile had been battery dead for a few days now, as well as, “Oh well.”

I was worrying over nothing.  I also had my friend worrying over nothing also.

The horrible hundred of kilos of guilt, crumbled off of me and onto the floor.

I felt a little better after that.

I think tomorrow, I will smile at him and apologise.